So you’re here now, what’s next? 

Get connected first to your immediate community or neighborhood. Nearly every community on and off military installations and the surrounding housing communities will have their own Facebook group accounts. Join them to stay connected. Here is where people ride share, where parents support each other, plan play times and get togethers with kids, offer up household items for free or low cost to their neighbors, and many of your neighbors can help with babysitting and pet sitting too. Get out for a walk and be a patron at the businesses within walking distance from your home. You will find that in Korea, store owners and restaurants notice returning customers, love children, and can make you feel welcomed. That welcoming spirit is what gives military communities the small town feel across the world.

I know about my immediate neighborhood and community, but what about the rest? 

The rest really starts with you! What are your family’s interests, hobbies, or religion? Finding friends in activities you already enjoy is a great way to jump into your new community and it is a great ice breaker for children too. Finding those common interests help bridge the awkwardness of being new, but also allows kids to feel safe in a familiar setting. If you are moving in summer, helping your child find friends before school starts can lead to an easy transition to a new school as well. Places to look for these activities include clubs and groups on social media, school extracurriculars, the installation’s library, recreation centers or community activity centers, MWR programs, CYS programs, KORAM Soccer, Scouts, Girl Scouts, and the Chaplains can also share what activities the church offers. In Korea there are lots of groups for all ages, one year we had a park group where we would meet up with other families for park adventures! My son was able to enjoy himself and make friends, while I too had some much needed adult time. The quicker you jump in with both feet the quicker your support network will grow. Before you know it, your calendar will be filled with fun and your contacts list will grow with new friends. 

The kids have friends now, but what about the service member and mil spouse? 

There are great avenues for service members to find friends outside of work! Organizations like the Better Opportunities for Single Soldiers (BOSS) is a great place for single soldiers here unaccompanied, but it can also be a great place for all service members to volunteer and participate in events together. There are so many community programs for adults with specific interests as well. Talk to your Army Community Services, Family Readiness Centers, and the Navy's Fleet Readiness Centers for what your local MWR and organizations offer. Maybe you want to earn your Military Outstanding Volunteer Service Medal while overseas? Your community services can share with you all the possible avenues for volunteering based on your time available, interests, passions, or even an area of professional development that you wish to hone. Volunteering can help you find friends with common interests, goals, and ambition while networking at the same time which can positively impact your military career. 

For mil spouses, employment and finding friends is of the utmost importance. The challenges of military moves rest heavily on the service members and their military spouses. The support networks we build often support the whole military family, especially during military training and deployments. In military communities you have to rely on the connections you make to fill the gaps that normally a family member or close co-workers might fill stateside. While not impossible, finding gainful and enjoyable employment in the area of your profession can be cumbersome  for mil spouses overseas. For myself, I often have felt that being involved with various volunteer organizations has helped me not only find friends, but has also helped me find purpose in our community. Volunteering has helped me keep my skills relevant while in Korea and given me a great sense of accomplishment. As if that wasn’t enough, I met some of my best friends through these avenues.  Do you have someone you can call to help you, no questions asked? Could someone take you to the hospital? Would someone pick up your child from school if you are running late? Maybe you need an adventure buddy that is down for day trips. Whatever the reason, you need a friend, but how will you find them? 

I have found mine through volunteering and interacting in shared interests. My friendship with Carolyn literally started by sharing my phone number on a post-it note in the school office! Today she is one of my most treasured friends and I consider her a mentor. She is the voice of reason when I need it, the person I can share anything with, and who I could truly ask anything of if needed. Laura I met as we both volunteered at the USO. Through time spent together volunteering, we realized how much we like hanging out together. We started going on impromptu adventures and exploring Korea together. She isn’t in Korea anymore, but that hasn’t stopped our amazing friendship. Through late night chats and early morning memes, smiles are made and the support I felt when she was here is what I still feel now. 

You have to get out of the house and get involved with something, anything, to make friends. It can't be behind a phone or computer screen. 

We often forget the things we tell our children, we should tell ourselves. When did we as adults stop “going out to play” to find friends! Spouses and Civilian Clubs are great avenues to find friends, but sometimes there aren’t enough meetings or events to really sustain a friendship by just attending. Events aren’t always where you find friends, it is where you find the resources to build your support network. My advice, find the person that talks the most! Maybe they are the loudest, dressed in the theme of the event, and are mingling with lots of people! If at Humphreys, that person might be me or my fellow editor Robyn Connell. Robyn runs the “Doin’ Stuff with Robyn and Dana” Facebook page where they invite others to do fun stuff each month! Find your chatterbox at your installation! Ask this person the deets. This person will be able to help you find those friends with similar interests, connect you to groups, give you information on who meets when, and give you the warm handoff to the right person. This person is who you need to look for in your community! It is not always about being your community chatterbox’s best friend, it is about having them help you find yours! I have helped many newcomers just in this way and it's great to see them thriving! There is most definitely someone in your community ready and waiting to help support you, trust me! 

Has this transition been extremely difficult for you? 

Change isn’t something I am great at on a daily basis. Being flexible is definitely an area of work for me. It isn’t something that comes natural to me, but I admire those who can think on their feet and adjust so quickly. Having difficulties adjusting is probably why I prepare and organize so much, to manage my own expectations. What do you do when there is nothing else you can think of to do and you are still struggling to get adjusted to Korea? Again I go back to embracing the same advice we tell our children, if you need help ask for it. Like children, we often don’t know who that right person could be, again I have been there. Your primary care manager and behavior health clinics are great options to start finding some support. Often though wait times for appointments can deter us from getting the help we need. 

Mental health is getting easier to obtain thanks to Tricare Global for Japan and Korea’s changes to support dependents with Tricare Prime. Dependents in Japan and Korea do not need a referral to seek counseling off the installation, this is applicable to both adult and children dependents. Direct billing allows us to save time and get into counseling sessions quicker than ever. When I noticed I was struggling, I sought help. I found out that I met the criteria for an adjustment disorder. I joked to my counselor and said “so do you hand this diagnosis out like candy to all military spouses?”. Upon talking to other spouses about my experience I was shocked to find out that my joke was all too real. Many opened up and shared they too struggled with the same diagnosis but by going to counseling it really helped. I soon found strategies that helped me cope and opened my eyes on how I can support my own needs during transitions, whether they be large or small. Children can also have struggles adjusting to change. Therapy can really be the safe haven to share and learn what can work for you and your family. 

Alright, I have my groups, my friends, and support, how do I maintain it all in Korea?

Well, this is the fun part! Maintaining friendships in a foreign country means there's literally a whole country with amazing places and new cultural experiences for you to explore together! During the lockdowns of the pandemic I started making travel lists. I put down all the places I wanted to see. Then I put them in order of distance from our home. I found that I now had small itineraries for day trips, overnights, and weekend getaways! The list of cafes would be great when we couldn’t go too far from home. Museums and indoor malls would keep us busy and dry during the cold weather or rainy monsoon seasons. But most of all, I was ready for adventures! Spend an hour exploring travel groups or even Tripadvisor in your area. Put pen to paper and make the lists of what you want to see! Make it a goal to see at least a couple each month with friends and with your family. As you cross places off the list you will begin to feel at home in Korea. 

Maintaining friendships and connections starts with communication and ends with action! Get active with your friends. 

Meet up, go out, and get off the installation! Keep things fresh and new. Go to Seoul! Check out Namsan Tower! See all the places! As you share specific moments and experiences with your friends, you will see those moments solidify new relationships. Those moments are the ones you will have for a lifetime. The friends you make enjoying each day will be the ones who support you the most. Think back on your fondest memories of your friends and family back home. What were you doing? How did you meet? It’s not so different here. There are a ton of families who are just starting their journey in Korea too and some like us who have been here awhile. What will you do to get out and meet them? 

How you make your home in Korea is up to you, but your community is there to help along the way! Can’t wait to meet ya! 

About the Author

Jetta Allen is Co-Editor of United on the RoK, a writer, and photographer. Traveling with friends has been how she has explored so much of Korea. Her fondest memories of Korea include finding a blue bat star fish on the beaches of Taean, drinking tea in the mountain with a monk and her friends, and making smores near the river with friends.