One's quest for balance will differ depending on your unique responsibilities, family needs, and future goals. Because yes, wives and moms sometimes have goals and dreams, too. Beyond our husbands, children, friends, families, and colleagues. These aspirations may be crystal clear in our minds, drive our lives, or remain in their infant stage while we are soul searching. Either way, prioritizing our wants is often a trade-off for the needs of others; finding the happy medium is balanced. Why do these goals matter? Why do our goals and the aspirations of wives and/or mothers matter? Well, we all know a woman who has sacrificed everything. Renouncing her own ambitions, dreams, or goals. Maybe she became bitter, and maybe not, but at the least, she may have lived a life incomplete. Not unhappy, just incomplete. Prioritizing our purpose can provide a pivotal outlet to tap into our passions, talents, and unique skills. As women, we need not demonize ambition for the sake of family. The goal is to confront our shortcomings so we can all live more complete lives. 

In fact, be sure to depend on your community, support system, and, of course, your new bestie (me!) to help you as you confront these new aspects of your life. As military-affiliated women, our support system and communities may look much different than others. We typically move often, usually away from our families and friends. Creating new communities wherever life takes us. We are like sunflowers, taking root and growing wherever we are planted. We are often resourceful because we have to be. I encourage you all to lean on your created communities, and you may be surprised by the commonalities we have between us. All of us should be leaning on each other; after all, many of us have similar experiences and can learn and share a great deal. So get out there and make some new friends!

The mounting pressures that can manifest on the path to balance may seem dark, and at times, they may be. Yet, the light of sharing your burdens and insecurities and pursuing your ambitions comes from embracing our families through the equalizing force of priority ranking. As the holidays quickly approach, many of you may contemplate how to squeeze in fun family activities while balancing a busy work schedule. Priority ranking can help us uncover equilibrium by stripping away the anxiety from determining how to carve out additional space in our lives for what we want to do vs. what we have to do. When ranking your priorities, you identify your obligations and desires and communicate them to your community and support systems. For example, you only have a few hours to spare on Saturday because of a critical deadline during the week. Take your family to the Baramsae Pink Muhly Festival, only 15 minutes from Camp Humphreys, and spend the afternoon taking family photos. A unique opportunity to connect with your family for an experience they will never forget. If you’re not at Camp Humphreys, find a fun festival or park near you! Ultimately, the connections to the people you love and the memories you create with them will far outlast any work deadline or meeting. With this perspective, we are not minimizing the importance of work responsibilities; we all just have to be satisfied with the choices we make in our own lives. 

Besides, this can be a very exciting time to try new, unique experiences while living in Korea. For others, it may be a source of sadness as we send messages, cards, and gifts stateside to those we hold dear. But for all of us, these feelings can also turn into a lifetime of special memories for our families by carving some time for family fun. Even with the tightest schedules, we can be surprised how prioritizing family bonding time allows us to connect with those we hold dear in our lives. 

Depleting ourselves for everyone else's needs and depriving ourselves of our personal goals are two extremes with the same result. Neither represents a healthy lifestyle or seems helpful toward the goal of balance. Thus, we find that the key to balance is not the short-cut articles bolstering work-life balance but each of us doing the hard work of finding the happy medium in our lives. This happy medium includes a unique approach based on our families, careers, lifestyles, and overall commitments. Although the task may seem daunting, we should consider it an investment in ourselves. More specifically, it is an investment to help us lead happier, healthier, more comfortable lives. Happy searching!

About the Author

The column "Diamonds in the Rough" is about embracing the challenges of family, career building, and all the possibilities in life. The author, Naomi Nubin-Sellers, currently resides in Pyeongtaek, South Korea, with her active duty spouse and four beautiful children who range from ages 6 to 16. She is a current PhD Candidate, holding Bachelors and Masters degrees in the social sciences. In addition, she is a current instructor for a program housed at the University of Michigan. Her career aspirations include data-driven policy research, higher education, and non-profit services tailored to young mothers.