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Diamonds in the Rough:

Finding the Sunflower in You

By Naomi Nubin-Sellers, Author

The beauty and challenges of military life often exist in tandem. For military-connected women, these challenges take on a distinct character, frequently accompanied by the ever-present unpredictability that defines our lives. Both military spouses and active-duty female soldiers hold a unique position in the military community. Our extraordinary journeys, marked by an unwavering commitment to our families, serve as our lifelines. We navigate a whirlwind of responsibilities, from managing finances and advancing careers to juggling household duties and the myriad needs of our children and families—all while service members are fulfilling their obligations, enduring deployments, and sometimes leaving their partners as the sole parents and leaders of the family. Taking on all of these challenges while also living abroad, away from family and friend networks that remain stateside, can intensify this pattern into what feels like a disproportionate burden.

Any combination of these responsibilities would make for an overwhelming life experience for anyone. In pursuing my own personal goals, I have sometimes found myself nearly defeated. The continuous “juggling struggle” of family and work and the added strain of the uncertainty of military life has often made me question: How can military-connected women move beyond surviving and thrive through the difficulties of military life? The answers that arose: We are resourceful and resilient. We are sunflowers.

Sunflowers. We will grow just about wherever we are planted. The continuous relocations through deployments, rotations, and permanent change of stations remind us that home is wherever we are at this very moment. Many of us put down shallow roots while striving to build a new community, only to do it all again a few short years later. It is difficult for many of us to be far away from our families back home, but we are constantly reminded of our unique journeys when we look around to see other sunflowers persisting through the difficulties while bringing us joy and laughter as we forge our new connections. Like sunflowers, we are effortlessly beautiful, requiring only a little space and nourishment to bloom into something fabulous.

And like sunflowers, our ability to grow can be limited if we do not prioritize our sustenance. Through sustenance, I do not mean literal food and water, but rather our ability to feed our passions, interests, and hobbies or take the time to prioritize self-care. We, like sunflowers, are always reaching for the light. The warmth of the sun washing over us can remind us that a positive mind frame can enable us to begin each day with gratitude. We strive to maintain our sense of balance while envisioning a brighter future amid the hectic reality of wearing multiple hats simultaneously. Yet, amidst this challenging landscape, I want to remind you that you are not alone. You have your new bestie (me!) here to provide unique insights and encouragement along your journey! You have your created communities, those new and old friends, and the resources surrounding you. So please take advantage, think positively, and be open to expanding your community along the way!

By imagining yourself as a sunflower, that vibrant and resilient flower that turns its face toward the sun, you embody strength and brilliance. And just like the sunflower, you maintain an innate ability to rise above the overwhelming tasks and challenges surrounding you. Each of us has a distinct strength within us, like the petals of the sunflower; it is a thing of beauty, and by embracing the unique strength and beauty within you and recognizing that no matter the chaos, you have the power and tenacity to bloom. In fact, we often bloom within the chaos; conquering each struggle transforms these victories into representations of our unique ability to flourish. Overall, be empowered in your capabilities and appreciate the journey that continues to shape you. Your determination to achieve personal success in your family, career, or the pursuit of general happiness amidst the challenges of military life is a testament to your unwavering spirit. So please, let this message acknowledge all of you for your strength and sacrifices made on behalf of the services. Celebrate your journey and all the unexpected challenges and successes accompanying them. Begin this new year with an open and grateful heart, eager to find an exciting new hobby or to reignite an old passion. Whatever you decide, be encouraged, as your sunflower status has emboldened you to take on whatever life has in store.

With the new year in full swing, it is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on our journeys and the growth we've experienced thus far. Like sunflowers that thrive in new soil, the new year brings exciting possibilities to plant our seeds of intention for the year ahead. For some, this year may have been full of surprises; for others, it may have been filled with opportunities to reach your goals; and for others, it might have been marked by recurring challenges that seemed to slow you down. Whatever the case, many of us have felt the weight of change, but as we look forward, let's embrace the possibilities that come with a fresh start. As we step into this new chapter, let's remind ourselves of the importance of connection through community building. Together, we can support one another in our goals and dreams, ensuring we grow, shine, and thrive like the beautiful sunflowers we are.

And just like sunflowers that bloom beautifully in challenging conditions, we all possess the remarkable ability to adapt and thrive amid adversity. Our commitments to our families, communities, and ourselves are not just responsibilities but powerful expressions of our unique identities. With this unique individualism comes the power to discover and rediscover ourselves. By acknowledging our inner strengths and nurturing our passions, we can move beyond mere survival to truly flourish. Your path may be filled with challenges, but it is also rich with opportunities for growth, connection, and joy. When confronted with the choice, choose joy. You all deserve a life that excites you and brings you warm feelings of happiness all year long. Embrace your journey, and remember that you are not alone—you are part of a beautiful, resilient network of sunflowers, blooming wherever life plants you. Cheers to a bright and promising new year ahead!

About the Author

The column “Diamonds in the Rough” is about embracing the challenges of family, career building, and all the possibilities in life. The author, Naomi Nubin-Sellers, currently resides in Pyeongtaek, South Korea, with her active-duty spouse and four beautiful children who range from ages 6 to 17. She is a current PhD Candidate, holding Bachelors and Masters degrees in the social sciences. In addition, she is a current instructor for a program housed at the University of Michigan. Her career aspirations include data-driven policy research, higher education, and non-profit services tailored to young mothers.

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